Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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