Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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