Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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