im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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