Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
