I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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