Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
