i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
