Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
