wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
