guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
