Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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