just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
