WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
