just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
