so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
