I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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