i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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