windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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