i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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