You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
