My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
