I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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