The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
