can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He felt like a one man threesome
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
