He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
