Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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