is your mom at the bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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