And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
