Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
