She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
