i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
