Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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