I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are all done wearing pants today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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