you guys were way drunker than both of me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
