Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
