And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
