True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
