Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
