It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
