Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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