What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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