sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
