pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
