I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
false alarm, still single
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