I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
