we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
