ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
