Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
