Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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