I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
