Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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