this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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