In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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