I got chris browned last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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